From the time I was 10 years old, when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would matter-of-factly declare, “Be a good husband and a good father.” As the product of a divorced family, I was a romantic idealist from the start, and determined not to go down the same path as my parents and their parents before them. I enjoyed several committed, long-term relationships through high school and college, and eventually proposed to and married the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
By the time I was 35, I had my ideal life construct: I traded a promising life in theater to become a corporate team builder and operational fixer, and one major thing drove my decision: I wanted to be wholly available for my family. I built a successful career by leading several high-performance customer success teams for both start-ups and giants in the tech industry. I bought a house and with my wife, had two beautiful daughters. Everything was going according to plan…until my marriage completely imploded.
What followed was a shockingly painful 4-year uncoupling process that ultimately ended in divorce. Somehow, despite my deliberate determination, I suffered the very fate I had guarded against my entire life, and my preconceived notions about love and partnership were destroyed.
I was at a complete loss over what had happened and how I seemed to have failed at my life’s pursuit; yet through this shattering I (slowly) became clear about the critical importance of compatibility in relationships, and the numerous and obvious warning flags that I had missed. I learned the hardest way possible that a relationship takes participation from both sides, and that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t “love” enough for both of us. My unexpected experience drove my enlightenment, and I learned more about love in the collapse of my marriage than in creating it.
As I rebuilt my sense of purpose and self, I miraculously (re)met Jen after 17 years apart since college. Our instant connection led to what we each believe is kismet…built on similar life experiences, values and beliefs, and how we want to move through this world. From how we like our eggs, to how we want to parent the girls to give them the tools to navigate through their lives, we’ve connected on a level that I never knew existed. I’ve found my compatibility soulmate and rediscovered my belief in love and commitment.
Today, I value experience over vision and growth over accomplishment. I still consider myself to be a romantic, but now I’m armed with the necessary life lessons to turn idealism into pragmatism (#PragmaticRomantic?). I’m fascinated by the psychology at the intersection of personal and interpersonal relationships and that same passion for relationship-building has fueled my desire to create Cohabimates™ with Jen. I hope this site and #consciouscompatibility will help you, too.