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  • Writer's pictureParker

What To Do When Your Partner Hates To Socialize

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner was at the opposite end of the socialization spectrum?

I was in a relationship where she was socially introverted, and it put a real strain on our relationship. I loved being around my friends and family, but her inability to be as "herself" as she was when we were alone meant that when we were in public, I was torn between making sure she was comfortable, and enjoying the company of others. It got to the point where her resistance limited our interactions with others, and I lost touch with friends and loved ones. Our social needs were imbalanced, and we lacked the creativity and communication to overcome it.⠀⠀

If you and your partner don’t share the same socializing vibe, there are ways to find common ground. You can start by talking about what works and what doesn’t for each of you, so you can see if there are compromises you can make that will fill both your social needs.

For example:⠀⠀

  • Are there certain settings that make your partner uncomfortable?⠀⠀

  • Are there certain people they have a hard time being around? Why?⠀

  • Do they enjoy going out, but only so often? Do they need time to recharge between social events?⠀⠀

  • How do they feel about drop-in visitors?⠀⠀

  • Does their fun need to be planed or are they OK with serendipitous events?⠀

  • Would they prefer that you go to certain events without them? Why?

  • Are there experiences that they’ve had in the past that are influencing their preferences today?⠀  ⠀

  • Are there specific things that you could be more considerate of that would help them feel more comfortable?

(Pro tip: It's not enough to hear your partner's answer to the above without asking the "why" behind it, so always be sure to follow up with asking for the reason for their feelings. It's the only way you can truly understand their rationale and then decide which areas of your imbalanced social preferences are worth working on and fighting for.)

Being compatible with your socializing expectations is one of the top relationship values to align on. It doesn’t mean that you have to suddenly become a super-extrovert or enjoy the same situations and people all the time; but when you are able to rise to the occasion for your partner (or compromise from time-to-time), you are showing a powerful affirmation of your support for each other without sacrificing your own needs.⠀⠀

Have you and your partner had to make social compromises?  If so, how? We'd love to hear.

1 Comment

Jul 07, 2019

THANKFULLY Todd and I are 100% in line with one another in terms of our socializing preferences. We are both social introverts. No drop-in visitors and no last-minute plans. We share Google calendars and plan our days/weeks/months in advance, and we always check in with one another. For introverts like us, this is definitely key.

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