The Truth About Past Heartbreaks: They Affect You Both.

(This is Eli, by the way. On any given day this is his happy face or his sad face. We gratuitously caption according to our needs. This day, he was sad. #dontjudge)

Heartbreak changes you. It comes in all shapes and sizes, and the devastating ones are never forgotten. Over time, pain dissipates, lessons become clearer, and the experience strengthens us; but all paths are not equal, and healing is not linear. Old heartbreaks can be tricky topics to navigate when you're entering into a new relationship, but knowing how your partner has handled theirs can give a ton of info about their needs. A devastating loss fundamentally influences how you approach future relationships, so if your partner has been hurt by a former lover, they may carry their pain into your relationship like a secret saboteur. Knowing this can help you be aware of what they need from you, and how they may still be protecting themselves. You don’t need all the gory details (and they may not want to share). Your purpose isn’t to judge their past or their healing process. What you're looking for is the truth of your reality together by gaining insight into things like... 💔 Will their wounded heart require you to be extra thoughtful or patient? 💔 Do some of your behaviors—ones you might not think twice about—remind them of their painful past? 💔 Have they fully made peace with their heartbreak, or are they still working through it? 💔 What is your role in helping them heal? 💔 If the heartbreak just happened, are you unknowingly their “rebound” while you’re acting like they're your potential life-partner? (Note: We think it’s essential to be on the same page about what you're both looking for.) Sometimes, we're so grateful to be wildly crazy about someone that we overlook their broken heart, and while hearts can be mended, they can’t be forced back together on an unnatural timeline. If your partner has unresolved issues from their previous relationship, it will absolutely affect your future together. Even if you agree to take it “one step at a time” (a common compromise when we're not sure what the answer is), that’s fine…but be careful you aren’t secretly looking beyond that next step. You could be setting yourself up for a heartbreak of your own.