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  • Writer's pictureParker

Getting To 'The Goods' Will Set Your Relationship Free.

Early in our relationship—and I mean earrrrrrly, like, the first time we had drinks after being out of touch for 18 years—Parker referenced his opinion on what he called "the goods": the scary, shadowy parts of ourselves we hide that are actually things that when said aloud, bring us closer to the person we’re relationshipping with.⠀

His take: It’s hard to talk about the shit we mistakenly label as our “baggage”: our marriages that ended; our dismal “blue periods” after our parents died way too young; the sick adult siblings we have who’ll one day be our responsibility. And he told me from day one that to him, “the goods” were what brought people together, because if your partner is brave enough to share even the risky stuff, you'll rarely have to worry about what’s not being said. "The goods" are what connect people, and sharing them outright cuts through the bullshit playa dating game so you can, instead, get down to the biz of learning and embracing the interesting stuff about one another.⠀

Five weeks after our re-meet I realized my Love was the man of my dreams. And I know the love seeds were sown during that first outing when I heard how much he values authenticity. Without knowing it, he paved a safe path for us to lay down “the goods” in crucial conversations to come. It’s still hella challenging for me—I’m SUCH a pleaser, it’s hard to voice what I want or need if I think they're not what *he* wants or needs—but man, learning to lean in to share the goods with him has helped me accept that I don’t have to be perfect to keep him happy. ⠀ ⠀

Note to all you tender lovelies out there: If a relationship is right for you, your Love will honor your “goods” (and I don’t mean *those* goods…at least not in this post, you saucy thing, you). If you can’t speak freely or share the tasty bits of history that make you *you*, embrace that there’s a time, a reason and a season in our lives for errything and everyone, and let the relationship go. And in your alone time, consider cultivating the strength to be honest…with yourself, and those around you. Your future self will thank you. I bet your future mate will, too.


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